Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Sex and the City
Season 3, Episode 12

Air date	August 27, 2000
Written by	Cindy Chupack
Directed by	Dan Algrant
Episode Guide
previous Running with Scissors	next Escape from New York

“	I started thinking about honesty. Maybe the whole idea was overrated. Maybe coming clean is the ultimate selfish act, a way to absolve yourself by hurting someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt. I cheated on a test in the fifth grade with two friends. They confessed, got grounded, and failed the class. I never told anyone, and it never mattered. In a relationship, is honesty really the best policy?	”
	— Carrie

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is the twelveth episode of the third season of Sex and the City, which aired on August 27, 2000.

Synopsis[]

Carrie struggles to find the right time to tell Aidan about her affair. Miranda tells a guy she's a stewardess in hopes of getting a date. Charlotte marries Trey MacDougal. Samantha sleeps with Trey's Scottish cousin, despite being unable to understand him.

Trivia[]

The title is a reference to the United States military policy of "Don't ask, don't tell" (DADT).
The title is a reference to the humorous policy of not wanting to know something. ("Tomorrow Never Dies")

Cast[]

Main[]

Recurring[]

Willie Garson as Stanford Blatch

Guest[]

John Corbett as Aidan Shaw
Kyle MacLachlan as Trey MacDougal
Frances Sternhagen as Bunny MacDougal
Clark Gregg as Harris Bragen
Richie Coster as Caleb McDougal
Joe Lapiana as Date

	Episodes	v • t • e

Sex and the City Season 1

• Sex and the City (episode) • Models and Mortals • Bay of Married Pigs • Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys • The Power of Female Sex • Secret Sex • The Monogamists • Three's a Crowd • The Turtle and the Hare • The Baby Shower • The Drought • Oh Come All Ye Faithful •

Sex and the City Season 2

• Take Me Out to the Ball Game • The Awful Truth • The Freak Show • They Shoot Single People, Don't They? • Four Women and a Funeral • The Cheating Curve • The Chicken Dance • The Man, the Myth, the Viagra • Old Dogs, New Dicks • The Caste System • Evolution • La Douleur Exquise! • Games People Play • The Fuck Buddy • Shortcomings • Was It Good for You? • Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women • Ex and the City •

Sex and the City Season 3

• Where There's Smoke... • Politically Erect • Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman • Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl... • No Ifs, Ands, or Butts • Are We Sluts? • Drama Queens • The Big Time • Easy Come, Easy Go • All or Nothing • Running with Scissors • Don't Ask, Don't Tell • Escape from New York • Sex and Another City • Hot Child in the City • Frenemies • What Goes Around Comes Around • Cock a Doodle Do! •

Sex and the City Season 4

• The Agony and the 'Ex'-tacy • The Real Me • Defining Moments • What's Sex Got to Do with It? • Ghost Town • Baby, Talk Is Cheap • Time and Punishment • My Motherboard, My Self • Sex and the Country • Belles of the Balls • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda • Just Say Yes • The Good Fight • All That Glitters... • Change of a Dress • Ring a Ding Ding • A Vogue Idea • I Heart NY •

Sex and the City Season 5

• Anchors Away • Unoriginal Sin • Luck Be an Old Lady • Cover Girl • Plus One Is the Loneliest Number • Critical Condition • The Big Journey • I Love a Charade •

Sex and the City Season 6

• To Market, to Market • Great Sexpectations • The Perfect Present • Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little • Lights, Camera, Relationship • Hop, Skip, and a Week • The Post-it Always Sticks Twice • The Catch • A Woman's Right to Shoes • Boy, Interrupted • The Domino Effect • One • Let There Be Light • The Ick Factor • Catch-38 • Out of the Frying Pan • The Cold War • Splat! • An American Girl in Paris: Part Une • An American Girl in Paris: Part Deux •

Sex and the City films

• Sex and the City (film) • Sex and the City 2 •

And Just Like That... Season 1

• Hello, It's Me • Little Black Dress • When in Rome • Some of My Best Friends • Tragically Hip • Diwali • Sex and the Widow • Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered • No Strings Attached • Seeing the Light •

And Just Like That... Season 2

• Met Cute • The Real Deal • Chapter Three • Alive • Trick or Treat • Bomb Cyclone • February 14th • A Hundred Years Ago • There Goes the Neighborhood • The Last Supper Part One: Appetizer • The Last Supper Part Two: Entrée •

And Just Like That... Season 3

• Outlook Good • The Rat Race • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] • [[]] •

The Carrie Diaries Season 1

• Pilot • Lie with Me • Read Before Use • Fright Night • Dangerous Territory • Endgame • Caught • Hush Hush • The Great Unknown • The Long and Winding Road Not Taken • Identity Crisis • A First Time for Everything • Kiss Yesterday Goodbye •

The Carrie Diaries Season 2

• Win Some, Lose Some • Express Yourself • Strings Attached • Borderline • Too Close for Comfort • The Safety Dance • I Heard a Rumor • The Second Time Around • Under Pressure • Date Expectations • Hungry Like the Wolf • This Is the Time • Run to You •

See also: Episodes